Meet the sexiest players on the Uganda Cranes team

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By Chemutai Faith Murket


There is only one reason women watch soccer. It is the handsome men. And in Uganda, women were not as interested in football as they are now. The secret is simple. There has never been an international campaign with as much hunks as there is right now on the nation team. As we anxiously await the AFCON game tonight where Uganda will go head to head with Zimbabwe’s Warriors, let’s meet the sexiest players on the Uganda Cranes team. The brave men who will be representing our country. The reason many women will watch soccer tonight at 8:00pm.


DENIS ONYANGO
Every team needs a Captain. Onyango is that figure. The father figure. The Captain America to our Avengers. The sexy dad 34 year old Denis Onyango is a Ugandan professional footballer who plays for South African Premier Soccer League club Mamelodi Sundowns and Uganda as a goalkeeper and serves as captain of Uganda Cranes. He was named the 2016 African-based African Player of the year. He was also ranked as the tenth best goalkeeper in the world in list for 2016 compiled by the International Federation of Football History & Statistics. With all these wins in his bag, this End Game should be ours.


LUMALA ABDU
22 year old Lumala Abdu is the yougest on the team. But he is also the one with the sleek foot. He is the one with the sexy style of play. The one who made DRC defenders dance Ndombolo trying to learn his Salsa. He is undoubtedly a seasoned Uganda, with his tint and RnB star beard. Also a very fast and hard to mark winger who can harm any team in the world. Many Ugandan girls don’t know this yet of course, but the moment they learn he is born and bred in Sweden, and only decided to play for Uganda because of his love for his ancestral origins, the story will change. He is a Ugandan footballer who plays as a forward for Syrianska FC in Superettan, on loan loan from Kalmar FF.


KHALID AUCHO
Khalid Aucho. He is as gangly as the best number 6’s you know. Except better. The epic personification of a midfield maestro. He is good in the air as he is on ground. A great tackler, who is not afraid to make even the strongest midfielders call their mamas. He comes at you with the force of a pissed-off bull. He will tug at your ego and stomp on it. He makes fellow men look like cissies in that midfield. And women love a man who makes other men cower. They need such a man in their corner, just so they can start random fights in bars. WOmen get turned on by men like Aucho. And there is only one Khalid Aucho in the whole wide world. The great Khalid Aucho. (Born 8 August 1993 in Jinja, plays for Churchill Brothers S.C. in the I-League and the Uganda national team (the “Cranes”) as a midfielder.


BEVIS MUGABI
Before Bevis Kristofer Kizito Mugabi played, many women argued he’d kicked Denis Iguma off the starting 11 because of his looks. He is a towering hunk that speaks with as much assuredness. A sexy deamenour. He is a professional footballer who plays as a defender for League Two club Yeovil Town. Oh and he has an English accent, and you know what that does to women.


ALLAN KYAMBADDE
KCCA midfielder Allan Kyambade is not just swift. He has been turning heads since his days at Buloba High School. There, he was renowned for making girls sneak phones into school just so they’d give them to him to stand a chance. Even outside school, life hasn’t changed much for him even after school. He is still fast and the women love him. Women in the KCCA stands have often been heard fantasizing about how they want to play with his side burns and dread locks.


HASSSAN WASSWA
Hassan Wasswa is the bully in our defense. He is ripped, and even his movements depict assuredness. He bosses our defense the way a landlord bosses his tenants. Born February 14, 1988, the Ugandan footballer who plays for El-Geish in Egypt is attractive for his overt masculinity. Everyone wants that. Every woman wants a man who is in control. ANd Hassan Wasswa is that man.


MURUSHID JUUKO
Murushid Juuko, currently playing for Simba S.C is the hunkiest on the team. The central midfielder has many Ugandan women drooling on his looks, with many wishing he’d share his DNA with them.


And there you have it, so tonight as we go against Zimbabwe you should definitely know who to cheer for! Go Uganda Cranes!